Super Moon!

'Oniric Super Moon'

Today, 19th March, I realised it was Father's Day. I completely forgot about it. Strange how when I was a child Father's Day would be an important day where I would try and not anger my father by showing affection and gratitude (what for anyway?) and now I've completely forgotten about the day. Maybe I no longer feel the constriction of showing my affection. Or maybe I've long given up on the idea that if I did something right my father would love me back. The long distance might be one of the reasons also.

Anyway I tried taking decent pictures of the 'Super Moon' but it wasn't easy as: A. It was very cold on the patio and after 20 minutes outside I was starting losing use of my fingers (strangely enough the right hand loses sensitivity faster than the left one) B. I was playing up with my camera trying and find the right settings for the night shots. That reminded me I should go back and study photography. Another thing I beat myself up for.

Berlin



The Wound. As K. calls it. This wound which is never sealed back, healed, forgotten. It's still open, raw and painful. Even more so that I am here alone with all these bloodied wounds, cuts and bruises on my face in this Berlin hotel room.

The pain... It is about you. My soul screams, about you, about what I would have done for you, given my soul for you, and what did I get back? Nothing, just few hours of 'affection' and after that, after my allocated slot, nothing. Silence. Neglect.

I loved you. And all I got back was pain. And got this wound even more sore and doleful to bear. This wound that I bring out on my flesh and soul, trying no one to see. But they can, they are not stupid the people. They can see my pain, in my eyes, in my words, in the way I go silent when they mention your name.

My Wound...

{Although this was originally written back in November 2008 I still 'cherish' this piece as one of my best ones}

Cavernous Howl

I hate you, father

For what you’ve done to me

Created this monster of pain and anger inside me

That devours me more and more by each day

I try and silence it but with a cavernous howl

It keeps on growing and dragging me whole

Deep down the recesses of my being